Sometimes I Wonder Why I'm Even Here

maybe if my legs weren’t so fat I could actually dress the way I want to and not feel like...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 20:40:47 -0400

maybe if my legs weren’t so fat I could actually dress the way I want to and not feel like absolute shit

The amount of hate I have for myself is ridiculous

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 00:39:35 -0400

Man I thought I was getting better for such a long time

but today when I was trying on new clothes for the first time in a while woah

I feel so damn disgusting

tymentimeagain: My good friend Ashley writes such great...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 01:04:11 -0400

tymentimeagain:

My good friend Ashley writes such great poetry.

I often feel conflicted of my thoughts regarding you Whether it be love or doubt my heart is...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 01:19:42 -0400

I often feel conflicted

of my thoughts regarding you

Whether it be love or doubt

my heart is going through

I often muse

the days away

with what it would be like

If we could be in love some time

and if it would feel

right

My chest it pumps

with thoughts of us

and blushes do ensue

But still I often

feel conflicted

of what my heart is going through.

I want to feel your skin

hold your hand

and smell your hair

Intangible at this distance,

I feel like it’s unfair

These feelings so ephemeral

could last forever

if they tried

I’ll never be so certain though

even when

my tears have dried

Tell me that you love me

but please don’t

not too soon

For I still am unsure

of what my heart

is going through

Have you ever felt so disgustingly unremarkable Like Nobody could possibly ever want to spend the...

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 20:09:34 -0500

Have you ever felt so

disgustingly unremarkable

Nobody could possibly

ever want to spend the rest of their life with you

I mean

why would they ever want to?

Wow wow wow

Thu, 01 Nov 2012 02:58:58 -0400

Have you ever just looked at yourself

and just thought

Wow what a FUCKING loser. What a fucking failure of a human being.

Jesus Christ I really can’t do anything right and I just want to sit in my room and cry for the rest of my life. Oh man oh god I just. I don’t want to even leave the house tomorrow. I feel so sick.

I have a problem.

Fri, 26 Oct 2012 01:15:00 -0400

I don’t know what to do about it either.

This is a little, well a lot personal, but I need to share it somewhere. I’ve kept this pent up for months, I need a release.

Whenever I see something sexual, feel something sexual, think something sexual, to the point where it captivates my brain and my thoughts, I feel utterly disgusting.

No matter how positive or love-based those feelings are, I resent myself for it. I feel like I’m just feeling something so wrong, like I am not deserving of thoughts like that. I feel like I’m almost committing some kind of crime.

And you know what I do about it?

I slash my ankles. Scratchy cuts that burn thoughout the day so that I’ll remember not to do that. Not to think those thoughts, feel those things, when I see a guy I like, the burning of the cuts will send me a not-so friendly reminder to not even dare feel anything about him.

It’s so strange, it’s so impulsive, but I just can’t stop myself.

And it’s sick. I have no other urge to self-harm, despite the rest of my troubles.

That’s why I make them invisible, because I don’t feel suicidal, I don’t feel what most self-harmers feel when I do it. I do it as a reminder, a punishment for myself.

I don’t know what to do about it. It’s getting so excessive.

help.

All my friends at school always call me out for being quiet and a little down.

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 03:08:11 -0400

I always use the excuse that I’m running on 3 hours of sleep. (However, that is also true.)

In truth, I just can’t wait to get away from them. I just can’t wait to get home and talk to people that actually make me happy.

I hate everyone I hate everyone I hate everyone School is already driving me MAD with all of these...

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 23:11:12 -0400

I hate everyone I hate everyone I hate everyone

School is already driving me MAD with all of these new people. I’ve made a group of “friends” and I already feel like they hate my guts.

I wake up at 6am, for me I only get about 4 hours of sleep. I have to run from class to class in 100 degree weather, during break I have to pretend I’m interested in the shit my friends talk about before bolting to my next class to make sure I don’t get there late.

The only good part of my day is geometry, because the coolest girl in the entire world is in that class. I swear I have the HUGEST platonic crush on this chick. But I’m pretty sure she already thinks I am some no-life weirdo, especially since my “friends” have dragged me away from her twice when she wanted to have lunch with me.

I just hate my life. I hate the friends I have and I just want to stay home. I don’t mind the schoolwork one ounce, I just wish I didn’t have to deal with all these people. I wish I could sleep at night without having a stomachache from dreading the next day. I just hate. hate. hate. everything right now.

Fuck everyone

Sun, 19 Aug 2012 20:26:59 -0400

I don’t want to go to high school

I don’t want to talk to people

I don’t want to deal with the stupidity and ignorance of every fucking teenager

I just want to read and write and play video games.

I just hate people. I’ve been betrayed and thrown away so many times, I just don’t want to trust anyone anymore.

I just hate people. I hate them.

I’m not artistic I’m not skinny I’m not pretty I’m not likeable then what...

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 01:42:26 -0400

I’m not artistic

I’m not skinny

I’m not pretty

I’m not likeable

then what the fuck am I good for?

Photo

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 00:01:28 -0400

Photo

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 00:00:36 -0400

Betrayal

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 23:58:40 -0400

So my brother decided to hang out with my best friend (we aren’t on the best of terms at the moment) and her fucking evil step sister today. I wasn’t invited.

See, this doesn’t seem like a very bad thing, however, my best friend knows how sensitive I am about people favoring my brother over me. Almost every single one of my friends prefers him over me, and let me tell you, that does not help my already low self esteem.

And here they are, picking up my brother to take him to their house while I am so obviously at home, and no invitation. No word from either of them. They could at least pretend.

Now, my brother knows my best friend and I have been fighting, and it has been fucking destroying me. A couple months ago, I was plummeting back into my crazy inferiority complex-cursed self, and had the most miserable weeks of my life stressing over if she still liked me or not. My brother knew VERY well of all of this.

Now here he goes, tossing every ounce of trust I had in him, just to let his fucking horniness get the best of him.

Now here I am, sitting in my room with a gushing bloody nose, sobbing my fucking eyes out and have only one person to talk to, because my parents think what he did was fine.

I realized I truly have no friends.

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 19:45:57 -0400

I thought it was just my best friend who abandoned me, but boy was I wrong.

All of them. None of them ever liked me for who I was. They are all happy to be rid of me. Literally, not one wants to stick around.

At this rate, I probably won’t be able to make any new friends at my new school either.

Great.

Okay, so there's just something that's been really bothering me lately. I usually don't like to talk about religion, because it's such a vast and controversial topic, but I am getting really tired of all the tension between believers and non-believers. You believe in God? Cool, go write a Bible. You don't believe in God? Alright, that's cool too, go write an essay on evolution. But don't try and shove your beliefs down other peoples' throats. Personally, I'm not a very religious person. I don't go to Sunday mass, I'm a firm supporter of both same sex marriage and abortion, and I find the whole "creation" story a bit hard to believe. However, I do believe in God, and I do believe in Heaven and Hell, and I believe in fate, and luck, and karma, and that everything happens for a reason. Atheists, I'm sorry some Christians and other religious believers are so oppressive. But not all of us are. So please stop blatantly telling us we're wrong for our beliefs. It's called an opinion for a reason. Can't we all just live happily in life and not worry so fucking much about what happens after we die?

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 00:23:05 -0400

I frankly don't understand this.

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 20:56:00 -0400

Just because I like to wear nice clothes and thought-out outfits instead of sweatpants and graphic shirts makes me a ‘stuck-up slut’.

It makes me a ‘stupid girl’

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dressing casually, dressing in sweat pants or whatever the hell you want to wear. I have no problem with it. But once you get on ME about it, then we have a problem.

I dress FAR from slutty. No cleavage, no short-shorts, no mini-skirts.

Not to mention, I don’t act slutty. I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve never kissed someone, I barely even hug my guy friends. I’m anything but slutty.

But apparently, dressing in cute clothes makes me one.

Slut. That’s such a disgusting word.

Tumblr girls, make up your fucking mind. You complain about people bashing and bullying you, but look who’s talking. Why is everyone on here so goddamn judgmental?

cisbender: when an artist wants to show you their art or a writer wants you to read what they’ve...

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 01:53:39 -0400

cisbender:

when an artist wants to show you their art

or a writer wants you to read what they’ve written

it’s quite often an expression of trust

because a poem or a story or a painting are often things that come from the heart

little pieces of the artists themselves

and if they’re willing to share it with you

you should appreciate it

http://

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 01:32:00 -0400

http://:

aprettyawkwardgirl:

is it weird that i still consider you my best friend? that every time i think of doing something i want to ask you to come with me? that i’m still hoping one day i’ll get a text from you and everything will be okay again? that i’m praying you’ll come to my party and we can just start over again?

Best friends are truly the devil's work

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 00:23:10 -0400

One side is loyal, tolerant, trustworthy and loving. The other side always, ALWAYS is backstabbing, double-crossing, abandoning and disloyal.

I’ve never had a best friend that hasn’t disappointed me. I’m always the one who is submissive and always forgives. I’ve never been the one to abandon the other, I’ve always been the one who gets hurt.

Now isn’t that just fucking great.